It has now been 138 days since I closed the gallery. I have gone from a 7 day work week to a sporadic one. The restrictive schedule has been released. Like a spring that has been allowed to expand.
I have been able to do a number of things, in the last 138 days, that I couldn't for the last 10 1/2 years. Go out to lunch with friends or family. Go shopping during the day and not in a rush on the way home. Spend time with family members. See what the apartment looks like in the day time. Not have to be somewhere at a set time every day.
I've also done some fun things I've never done before. Get a pedicure. Sit a booth at the Sawdust Festival and see what it is like in that community. Sit at a gallery and not have to worry about the overhead costs, deadlines for publicity, printing, receptions, booking for future exhibits. I've curated and hung a exhibition and gotten paid for it, not have to worry if there would be sales that would pay for it.
I've felt a little guilty. I've neglected the web site, after talking about it evolving and such. I just haven't had the umph to do it. Maybe because I've received mixed reactions to the ideas I've had. Maybe because I've taken so much time off, instead of jumping onto the next fast moving train.
I do feel a bit out of sync, not having a set schedule or things to do. I wonder if I'm wasting time that I should be putting to better use. But yet, I want to just sit and stare or be quiet and let my mind wander and see where it goes. To let my mind explore and not have to focus on anything. Is that a bad thing?
How long should I allow myself to want to wander and not be focused? Is there a time limit? Am I wasting time? Should I feel guilty? Questions with no answers.
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